June 2013
i should’ve picked a less painful otp
#it’s in a comedy about a show choir how was i supposed to know
my skin is so oily you could probably fry chicken on my face
nonsense, you’d have to be hot to do that
say that to my face motherfcker i dare you
- Glee: Let's talk about sex.
- Glee: And suicide.
- Glee: And let's have a massive car crash.
- Glee: Also teen marriage.
- Glee: Don't forget teen pregnancy.
- Glee: And eating disorders.
- Glee: Also mental health problems.
- Glee: Bullying of course.
- Glee: And prostitution.
- Glee: That was boring, let's have a school shooting!
- Glee: We're a comedy.
[BREAKS DOWN YOUR DOOR]
[BACKFLIPS TO WHERE YOU’RE SITTING]
[DESTROYS YOUR INSECURITIES WITH A BASEBALL BAT]
[HEATS UP A MUG OF TEA WITH MY LASER VISION]
[THROWS YOU OVER MY SHOULDER]
[CARRIES YOU TO YOUR ROOM WITH THE STRENGTH OF A MILLION BUTTERFLIES]
[AGGRESSIVELY TUCKS YOU INTO BED]
[SOMERSAULTS AWAY]
once in elementary school i got a D on a test and i legitimately thought my parents were going to kill me so at recess we had a funeral and my friends picked me flowers and pieces of grass and let them blow away in the wind it was very dramatic i cried
when you type “straight” on google, this happens
and when you type “gays” on google, this is what happens
takethewesttraintopanicstation:
On a scale from Will Smith to Amanda Bynes how much have you changed in the past 10 years
- Socialism: You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbor.
- Communism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and gives you some milk.
- Fascism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and sells you some milk.
- Nazism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and shoots you.
- Bureaucratism: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away..
- Traditional Capitalism: You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull. You herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
- An American Corporation: You have 2 cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.
- A French Corporation: You have 2 cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.
- Japanese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them Worldwide.
- An Italian Corporation: You have 2 cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.
- A Swiss Corporation: You have 5000 cows. None of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.
- Chinese Corporation: You have 2 cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.
- An Iraqi Corporation: Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No one believes you and they bomb your arse. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.......
- Counter Culture: 'Wow, dig it, like there's these 2 cows, man, grazing in the hemp field. You gotta have some of this milk!'
- Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
- Apathyologism: You have 2 cows. You do not care.
- Fatalist: You have 2 doomed cows...
- Atheism: You have 2 cows. There is no God.
- A West-Country Corporation: You have 2 cows. That one on the left is kinda cute.
- A Brazilian Corporation: You have 2 cows. You pay taxes for 6 cows. You have to sell one cow in order to pay the taxes. Your remaining cow gets sick and dies while waiting for availability in the public vet hospital.
- PETA: You have two cows. You kill them both. You then use naked women to convince other people that killing cows is wrong.
- Moffat: You have two cows. Both of them are your daughters time traveling from the past where they had a brief love affair with Da Vinci making you the rightful Queen of England.
- Hussie: You have 2 cows. You ask for another one. Instead of getting just 1 cow, you get 2,485,506 cows.
- Romney: You have 2 cows. You are not the president of the united states.
- Once-ler: You have 1 cow. Everyone decides to make 5 different versions of that cow.
- Old Spice: You have 2 cows. The cows are now diamonds. I'm on a horse.
- An Irish Corporation: You have a million cows because they're everywhere
- Cuil Theory: You have two cows. I give you a hamburger.
- Oprah Winfrey: You get a cow! And you get a cow! Everybody gets a cow!
- Mushu: Dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow.
May 2013
PRESS J AND THEN SHIFT R
OH MY GOD
when a hot person walks by and accidentally rubs against you
